I'd like to start by thanking my dearest mother for having my kiddos for a few hours, so that I can have a moment of quiet to journal. *Thank you Mamachka for loving my kiddos as much as I do ;) you are a blessing in my life more then words can say. I love you!*
I hope all my rambling will make some sense to you guys, as I sit here on a rainy day and try to put my thoughts together. :)
So this past weekend we celebrated the Resurrection of our precious Savior and in my last entry I wrote about Life with Jesus and all that he is to me. He doesn't sees to amaze me! His love for us is more then we can comprehend and I am so overwhelmed yet again at how much he loves me and how near he really is!
As I let myself "feel" about an incident that happened the other day, I realized how bad I was hurt. I started sobbing and you wouldn't believe the amount of thoughts that started flooding my mind. A few years back I've surrendered control to the Lord over my family, my marriage and even myself, but every now and then in moments like that I feel it come back. I start to write a mental list of all that I'm going to do to fix the other person or the situation. As I was debating which way to feel I started to pray in the Spirit but my mind was still at work, knowing that I'm not that person anymore and that I don't want to go back to the "old me" I stared to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. Inside I felt like this time I just can't forgive and do "nothing" because it hurt too much but knowing what to do I kept praying and surrendering my agenda to the Lord. It wasn't easy I had to pull out Scripture from my memory bank and use that to war because on my own I wasn't getting anywhere. I was driving and thought for sure I was going to turn around and head home because of the emotional wreck that I was. The kiddos asked me to turn on some worship and after a few moments of prayer a song came on and I just started to worship along with it and before I even knew it I was rejoicing! I was speaking truth over myself and my life and every area that I felt I was being attacked in. I was renewed with hope and flooded with overwhelming joy and peace, in knowing that Jesus paid it all and when he took his last breath he said that it is finished. He has won! And now the only battles we have to fight are in our mind. The battle between falling into the pain and doubt that things will never change or the victory and faith in knowing that my answer is coming. My King has won the war and I can trust him to do the changing of hearts around me and that it's not me who has to do it. Thank you Jesus! So within my fifteen minute drive I went from utter despair and a huge mess, to being a conqueror in Christ Jesus, knowing that he's holding me in his hands and that all I have to do is trust his process.
Living in that freedom and victory I no longer hurt, I no longer have the urge to avenge the person who hurt me, honestly I don't even want to change them because of the closeness it brings between me and Jesus in knowing that the only thing I can and want to do is go to Jesus. If every time someone hurt us and we asked for them to be changed and they would be, then we would still think we are perfect and that is far from the truth. During the process of patiently praying and waiting for the Lord we are the ones who are changed. Personally the closer I get to Jesus the more I realized how much further from "perfect" I really am. (Considering that when I was in my teens I really thought I was close to "perfect" haha!) It's easy to think that when your single and then the Lord gifts you a husband and if that's not enough to get through to you, he gives you a child..or two.. or four in (four years) and that's when you realize how far you still have to go and how closely in tune you need to stay with the Spirit. But I love it! No one is perfect and we all need him. That's why I'm so honest and open with you all because I don't want you to feel like you are alone and that you have to be perfect. If sharing my low moments will speak or encourage even one person then I'm more then happy to do so! :) I don't always get it right but I'm learning to live according to his word and renewing my mind with his truth.
The other day one of my kids asked me what the word receiving meant. And the reason for that question is because when my kids are bothered by something I always tell them to "talk to the Lord about it", and when they say they have I tell them "then all you have to do is wait patiently and receive what you have asked for". So to help them understand I asked them "when someone gives you a birthday gift do you take it or refuse it or maybe do you just leave it on display unopened? My child goes "of coarse I always take presents because I like getting gifts". I explained to them that it's the same way with Jesus, He died on the cross to give us eternal life, to give us health and healing, and to bring us freedom from the curse. And all we have to do is receive. It's really as simple as that!
I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you've received it, it will be yours. -Mark 11:24
If what we are asking is line with the word of God then he will answer. Some times his answers don't look the way we expect or don't come at the exact moment that we want them to but he does answer, in one way or another.
Anyway I'm going to have to say, to be continued... :) because I feel like I have a sermon coming on but I don't want you to feel like your reading a book haha. So come back again and hopefully I'll continue about the love of Jesus in a future entry. If you haven't yet but want to then feel free to subscribe to the blog and stay in touch!
Love and blessing!
Natty