You may have read about the beginning of my more minimal, simple lifestyle here. I’ve been meaning to write a follow up but it’s still in the drafts. I hope to get to it soon. I wrote most of this entry in January but am ending up posting it in December. How does that happen!?
At the end of 2020 I came across “The Minimal Mom” YouTube channel and it literally changed my life! I began to purge, sell, and donate anything that my family and I could let go of. At times I needed to pause on that journey for weeks or months at a time because we would get really busy (and I was sick for a few months) but it was also a very overwhelming process. Especially when you have children old enough to make decisions and have a say in what they keep or don’t keep.
We did Christmas a little more simple this year than years past. So thankfully I did not have a whole lot of things to find “homes” for in our house. I even made a trip to the UPS store to do a few returns. Some of the items were gifts we got our kids, they were not very fond of or they didn’t fit etc.. After they opened presents Christmas morning, I told them that they did not have to keep what they did not want. (Even my youngest seems to know what he wants and what he doesn’t care for). We saved the packaging and gave it some thought, turns out we had a few things that needed to go. There is nothing wrong with that! Years past we would keep EVERYTHING and over gifted too. It’s soo freeing to do things more simply now.
We have been decluttering and minimizing for over a year now and I can honestly say that most of us, have gotten those “decluttering muscles” pretty strong. You just know when a gift sparks you joy or if it will get lost in all the rest of the stuff and will one day end up in our yard sale.
At the beginning of the year on a video from Dawn “The minimal mom” she mentioned “Clutter free in 23”, I loved that because that is exactly what I was planning for this year of 2023. We have minimized a lot but at any given time there are still piles of stuff laying around that are just making the house feel very cluttered. Mind you the size of the house matters. (Ours is on the smaller side for 7 people so any extra items out of place feels like clutter)
I tend to keep things that need to be fixed or can be re used but I don’t always get to them. So a new habit I am working on right now is that I have to do it immediately or it has to go. For example my little guy rips a book, what I would usually do, is put it in a fixing basket but now I ask myself, is it important enough for me to fix it NOW? If it is then I do it right away but if it’s not, then I either toss the page or the book altogether. (Most of my books have been loved on by all the kids so have seen better days lol) That new view on things has helped me A LOT!
If you’re interested I would definitely recommend watching Dawns video on the silent to do list, it is very eye opening. This year I want to tackle and keep all my to-do’s at bay. I want to be more preset than ever with my family. Spend most of my free time (if you can call it that) doing things I love, with those I love. Things that bring meaning and purpose to my life, versus doing all the things I need/have to because the piles are endless or the fixing boxes are overflowing.
When I see our home/life simplified I picture a candle burning on my kitchen cart. That means the kitchen and the downstairs have been wrapped up and shut down for the night. It’s so comforting because I used to do that when I first got married. The candle was on every night while I was waiting for my husband to come home from work. We would sit at the kitchen table and talk about our days. He worked until 9 pm so by then the kids were in bed and the house was all cleaned up. I haven’t been able to get it to that peaceful state, before it’s too late to do anything besides shower and go to bed. The last few years I haven’t been burning candles at all because unless it’s tidy and quiet, it doesn’t feel right and irritates me more than bringing me joy. (I haven’t been loving my candle options either. Anything strong and scented brings my mood down even the soy blends and causes headaches. I also do NOT enjoy oils or diffusers. So the search is on!) Fun fact lol I wasn’t into candles when we got married because they irritated me. We used to argue about it because Kyle would light a candle and shortly after I come and blow it out. He thought I was crazy for being so annoyed by them until one day he read about it in a “Better Homes and Gardens” magazine and it said to try soy. That solved our problem with candles! lol
Lately after my kiddos are done cleaning the kitchen for the night, they have been lighting a candle and making me tea. We sit at the table together and play a card game for a few minutes before heading of to do our nightly routine. I love that because it’s peaceful and wraps up our day nicely. I also get to have some one on one time with the “kitchen station” child of the week and that’s always a pleasure. Before I started my minimizing journey this was only a dream, I had almost given up dreaming it but now more and more it has been becoming a reality. It makes my heart SO happy! LESS IS TRULLY MORE! I am so so grateful for this journey and that it’s happening now , while my kiddos are still young. There has been countless times I had to say no to my family because of stacked up house work and “organizing sessions”. The count down is on for when they are graduating and moving to another season of life, so any chance I get to have quality time with them is treasured.
Simplifying our home and lifestyle has been the greatest gift for our family. I do understand that not all of us think the same but I think that we can all agree, that having a clean and tidy space, we can maintain with little effort is a dream for all of us. Some of us have lived “drowning” in our stuff (whether we acknowledge it or not) for so long that we think it’s normal but it’s NOT! This over abundance in today’s world (our country) is not “normal” for the human mind, in years past there’s always been lack or just enough to get by. If you’d like a glimpse into the way my grandmother lived and taught us, you can read about it here. We are more than blessed these days and I’m very grateful for it but it could also be a curse if you don’t learn how to control it. I’m learning this right now and it’s hard but I see it as me setting up my kids for success, so that they can pick up where I left off and never need to experience the overwhelm and despair that I have. Of course they will need to learn this for themselves but they’ve been practicing and I’m really proud of how far we’ve all come.
I love it when my four year old brings me my phone and shows me the pictures he took and tells me “I don’t want this anymore mom, you can sell it”. Or randomly throughout the day he brings me his things and tells me that he’s over it, you can sell it now. One time he asked me if I’m going to sell his bed too lol just cause everything was going. I assured him that I will not sell it but he was excited about the idea of sleeping on the floor haha.
When I try to explain this to people I compare it to food. We only need so much to fuel our body for the day but in our American culture we tend to struggle with having “too much”. None of us like to admit it but it’s inevitable at this point, when you see all the health issues and statistics. Having too much food shows up on our body but having too much stuff shows up in our mental health. We weren’t created to live this way, our minds haven’t yet adapted to this form of lifestyle. (Who knows if they ever will!) So what we see happening today is a lot of mental disorders, stress and overwhelm. Yes of course that could be from a multitude of things but I really believe not having the peaceful, safe, tidy and functional environment in our homes each and every day has a huge role to play. I have experienced the beginning stages of mental breakdowns so I am speaking from experience. (I used to not believe that they were real but believe me they are!)
Anyway I hope you’ll follow along on my journey and decide for yourself what you think of all this. So much of it has to do with our upbringing’s etc.. so each person and their story is unique and different. That is a beautiful thing! Minimalism or simple living for me, isn’t about having the barest of necessities but it’s about having what brings me joy and owning things I can eagerly maintain in my daily life and that fit into my current home. I have to say no to a lot of things just because I do not have the room at the moment. I don’t want anything taking time or mental energy away from my family or my life. I used to have a full time job shuffling things around all day, every day, trying to find a system that would bring peace and order but the truth is there isn’t one… Unless you own the right amount for things for the space that you have. At times I would find something that would work but nothing lasted longer then a couple of weeks. No amount of containers or organization will do that for you. It’s having less stuff that is the key to unlocking your freedom and peace. And only then will the proper organization and systems will work for you in the long run.
Decluttering is a life style and has to be kept up, even after you reach that ‘sweet spot”. Currently I try to declutter at least a few times a week very intentionally. But I do give myself days/weeks off when I get burnt out or need to focus on other areas of my life. I haven’t reached the sweet spot in my home yet, where I feel like every room and every area is the way I like it. But I’m enjoying the process, it has taught me soo much about myself and my family.
I still have boxes of items that I’ve put out of sight (because I couldn’t handle dealing with them) to go through. It’s been getting easier and easier but it still takes time. Mostly because I first try to sell things on FB marketplace and then in the spring/fall I do yard sales. Whatever is left over we donate but I’ve also been changing up that strategy and donating a lot more. It’s the middle of winter at the moment and I really don’t have room or desire to keep things anymore.
I do pick and choose what I donate where, for example I had a huge box of vases that I dropped off at a local flower shop. They can use the vases waaay more than goodwill and they were super grateful. I had a ton of baby items (clothes, high chairs, walkers, tubs etc..) I donated those to the local pregnancy center because again, they can use these items to give to those in need. We have a few different thrift shops around and depending on what they sell and what they stand for I donate accordingly. I feel like it’s worth the effort, to make the most out of the items I’m trying to re home.
Sometime after my grandmother passed away, I began my eco friendly journey, which led me to second hand browsing lol, I say browsing because it took me some time to get used to the idea of buying used items. At first I didn't know how it’s done, I felt like some of the people I followed, had the best of luck and found the cutest things but that I never could. Over time I learned to be patient and thrifting became more regular. My girls had dance Tuesday mornings, and I tried to leave my boys with my mom. So that after dance the girls and I would go thrifting. I set a timer for 15 minutes and we would quickly skim through the store. It’s always fun to find “treasure”! Just last week I had a few different friends over and each of them complimented on some of the items I had in my home. I was happy to tell them I spent less than five or ten dollars on the decor and they were shocked that I could find something like that second hand. It takes some practice and lots of patience but you’ll get there if you’re willing to give it a try. I haven’t been going as often lately because I’m happy and content with my home as it is. During this process I have realized that a lot of the things I had were given to me or I have gotten over enjoying them, So as I decluttered those out I would hunt for replacements that actually brought me joy. Sometimes if I need some time out alone or I’m on a date with my daughter or if I’m trying to find some things specifically then i’ll go and look around. I try to keep a list of things I need/want so when I do go I’m more intentional of what I’m looking for. For example a backpack, rain boots, a particular throw pillow for my pink chair, etc.. they are not urgent items but if I find them for a few bucks i’ll be happy I waited. It also gives me something to hunt for and usually takes about fifteen minutes to run through, on my way to get groceries. I still try not to bring my kids because it gets overwhelming too quickly and hard to think through and stay focused but that’s me, if you’re able to handle them being with you then go for it! Just be careful not to let them talk you into buying anything you do not need or want, it is tempting when it’s so cheap lol.
I have not entered a mall before my oldest turned 13 in about 10-13 years. Now she requests to go on her birthday each year. She is such a gift person and her birthday is the week of Thanksgiving, so we go to look around for ideas. So far we went two years in a row and last year we left fairly quickly and went thrifting instead lol. We were just not happy with the prices and everything being so “generic” if that makes sense. I do not go to all the home decor stores (Ross, Marshals, etc), Target is not my go to anymore and I rarely ever go into Walmart. The only places I shop are Costco once a month, Aldi weekly or biweekly and Amazon for everything I cannot find second hand (thrift stores or FB market place). It is so freeing I cannot stress that enough. Yeah maybe I miss out on the latest trends here and there but the peace of mind I have instead, nothing can replace.
I used to want to run away all the time. My mind was always thinking of how I can go camping or plan some kind of trip or even take the kids anywhere and everywhere just not to be home. I slept for escape too (granted I had a baby and needed it but it was also a coping mechanism I had). I prayed, fasted, cried and pleaded with my husband to stop buying and gifting us things and receiving things from others but yet the stuff kept coming in. Until finally the Lord heard my cry and I heard Dawn. And that is when my life changed. It did not happen over night, I’m still rewiring my way of life. Learning and growing but I have found the answer and will forever preach it to be true.
Here are some transformation photos over time.
This is the overwhelm I dealt with every, single, night. It’s also the root cause of me going to bed way past midnight every day of the week and the breakdowns I began to experience every few days. What that looked like for me is, after I put all the kids to bed and said good night to my husband, I would come downstairs, look at all this stuff, sit down on the floor and bawl because it was a cycle that literally had no end. After crying it all out I would get up put away food and clean the essentials and call it a night.
If anyone ever asked how I was doing, all I wanted to say is that I am drowning. I truly felt like I was suffocating in all the stuff around me. I always had to say no, to get togethers and to taking my children out because if I allowed myself to do that then I would revert to that being my escape and I would let things at home get way out of hand. Kyle and I would fight a lot because he likes to come home to a tidy house but I just felt like a failure. This went on for years. It mostly got bad after my youngest was born because I could no longer keep up at the end of my pregnancy and then things were so backed up after I was finally healed and able to manage, that I was too overwhelmed mentally do know what to do and where to start.
This is us in progress! Most nights now this is what it looks like and BEFORE 10 pm! Seeing these photos brought me back to all those negative overwhelming feelings. I am SO grateful that my mind is healed now. That most of that stuff is no longer in our home. I am actually doing great and positive not just to survive but to live doing what I enjoy. God is so good and it is all thanks to Dawn “The Minimal Mom” who couched me since the end of 2020 with her videos. She gave me permission to let go, not feel guilt, how to tell family and friends that I have let their gifts go and so much more! PLEASE please please go check out her youtube channel and watch through some videos that apply to you. You WILL be surprised that you can learn something new, even if you don’t think you need it.
(Thank you, thank you, thank you Dawn! You are a life changer!!!)
I had friends say that my house is “too minimal” for their liking. Haha. I take that as a compliment! Because it means I have made progress, even though I sometimes feel like I still have so far to go. Above all though it’s not about the looks, it’s about the feeling. It looks like this most of the week now. and to me that feels AMAZING! I have started to go to bed at midnight and then eleven and now some nights i’m even in bed by ten! I finally started to wake up before my family (also a dream I thought would never be a reality until my kids moved out, but no i’m actually living it NOW!) Sleep was how I coped with the overwhelm. I stayed up too late shuffling it and then didn’t want to get up because I knew the mess that awaited me. It was a dreadful cycle.
Just this last week I told the Lord that I’m finally ready for him to start waking me up again and he has been! One morning it was at four, the next at five and so on, the only reason I can get up at that time now is because I am done with my kitchen and house cleaning earlier in the evening and I’m getting enough rest. My mind is not overwhelmed, I’m not drowning and I can think clear enough to move on with other areas of my life. I am excited to wake up and sit on the couch while having my morning quiet time. The house is tidy, my mind at peace, the future bright etc.. God is so good you guys!
Thank you so much friend for stopping by and reading!
Blessings!